With 630 days remaining until the 2008 election, and a vast field of declared candidates already in full swing, I decided that today is not too late (nor, indeed, a day too soon), to announce the 2052 Presidential candidacy of my as-yet-unconceived child.
While there remains some doubt as to the Candidate’s sex, name, and age at the time of the election, I am quite sure that he or she will make an excellent Candidate. My child, the Candidate, will have been raised to be an upstanding, moral, ethical, and, above all, rational citizen — one who carries, at all times, a national ID card and “three days, three ways” disaster preparedness kit. My child will not have not inhaled. My child, the Candidate, will have demonstrated academic, business, and political success, have an innate ability to move fluidly among all ethnicities, dance along the knife-edge of critical national issues, skirt debate, and avoid any and all poorly-lit photo opportunities. The Candidate will be charismatic, attractive, and articulate, even in 3D projections, and, if the campaign manager can swing it, will be a war hero.
If we start investing and asking for public support now, there remains a slim hope that the Candidate will be able to field a reasonably-financed campaign, despite the vagaries of inflation and uncertainties of the future economy. We are declaring now, in part to avoid campaign finance reforms, but mostly so we can begin to get our platform and message into the American People’s awareness ahead of the competition. You can never build mindshare too early!
This dream can only happen with your support! Don’t let yourselves be left behind. Leave a legacy! Act now to secure the future of this nation and donate to Campaign 2052: My Kid For President, before it’s too late.